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Humorous Sporting Quotes - Golf

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"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
- Greg Norman, Pro Golfer

"One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my God, what have I just said."
US Open TV Commentator

"Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf... and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf."
Jack Benny

"You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work."
Lee Trevino

"It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course."
Hank Aaron

"I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced."
Lee Trevino

"These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow."
Sam Snead

"Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five."
Paul Harvey

"Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at."
Jimmy Demaret

"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball"
Jack Lemmon

"Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour."

How did you make a twelve? I had a long put for an eleven.
Clayton Heafner

I'm the best. I just haven't played yet.
Muhammad Ali, on his golf game

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing
Phyllis Diller, entertainer

Golf is a good walk spoiled
Mark Twain, 1835-1910

Bad Sausage and five bogeys will give you a stomach ache every time
Miller Barber

My goal this year is basically to find the fairways
Lauri Peterson

I don't care to join any club that's prepared to have me as a member
Groucho Marx

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?
Al Balska, American writer

I don't need to know where the green is. Where is the golf course?
Babe Ruth, playing Pine Valley

When you start driving your ball down the middle, you meet a different class of people
Phil Harris, comedian

I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart.
Buddy Hackett, entertainer

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf will. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you can get so sore at yourself that you forget to hate you enemies.
Will Rogers, humorist (1879-1935)

"Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five."
John Updike

"The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music."
"Silk Stockings" TV Show

"The least thing upsets him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows."
P.G. Wodehouse

"The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life."
Chi Chi Rodriguez

"After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye."
Chi Chi Rodriguez

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